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This house is falling apart.

Managed to have 2 panic attacks yesterday all revolving around my house. I hadn't realized this was happening until David pointed it out. The first started because I had gone to the gynecologist and one of the questions they ask is, "Do you feel safe in your home?" I had to respond with "NO". Then I had to explain this statement. It made me so ill that I broke down crying, called David in a panic, and basically freaked out in the doctor's office.

The second happened as I left my friend's house from dinner. She lives in a house in the heights in a very nice area of town. Her and her husband have renovated their backyard and it is just so beautiful. On the way home, David and I were talking about what we could do to fix our property and it sent me in a panic causing tears as we neared the house.

I take 0 pride in this house. Being here feels like prison. I am so embarrassed of the area of town that I live in. I live next door to someone who is a convicted felon of violent crimes. He has displayed violence towards my husband, myself, and my dogs. We have had to call the cops on him twice.

I can't stand being here so I basically try not to be here as often as possible. I go out of town a lot. I go spend the night at my bff's house on the weekends I am in town. This is taking a toll on my marriage. I am so uncomfortable here I have quit having sex all together as my bedroom sits right next to this neighbor. I don't know how to get out of this place. I cry and beg my husband to move us out of this. We will only be able to sell the house at a loss, and we have no savings for a down payment on a new house.

I seriously do not recommend to anyone to buy a house in your 20s unless you have some rockin career where you make so much money that you can get a nice house. I have a fucking dump in the shittiest area of town. I have to drive my son clear across town to go to a decent school. My son has no friends that are close to him. He doesn't play with the neighborhood kids because I dont' feel like he is safe to do so. I cry weekly over this. I need to get out and just don't know how. I am tempted to move out with my son to an apartment which would cause David and I to separate. That scares me but I feel like I can no longer live like this.

And what am I doing tomorrow? Going horseback riding and spending the night at Rebecca's house. This will be the second time this week. And why am I typing this? Because I woke up in a 3rd panic attack thinking about this house. I thought it might help to write it all out and all it is doing is bringing me to tears.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 28th, 2012 04:02 pm (UTC)
i am so sorry.
that's just messed up. everyone should feel safe in their home.
rather than trying to sell it, have you thought about getting a management company to rent the place out for you and finding someplace else for the three of you to live? i know that's how a lot of people have been dealing with the housing crunch when they've needed to move...

Edited at 2012-07-28 04:02 pm (UTC)
Jul. 28th, 2012 05:13 pm (UTC)
We are going to meet with a realtor and figure out our options. The bad part is that David and I have no savings so our options of where to go is a problem. I guess our options at the moment would be to sell this place and go rent an apartment, but David does not want to give up his German Shepard.
Jul. 29th, 2012 07:28 am (UTC)
hopefully you can turn up something that's an improvement :/
Shelee Victoria
Jun. 9th, 2013 06:28 am (UTC)
I received a love spell from dr.marnish

I received a love spell from dr.marnish@yahoo.com and within 3 days he casterd the spell, the spell started working straight away. before i could know what is happening my lover who broke my heart came to my house to ask me out for a lunch" we back together now and we are living happily – Shelee Victoria, Australia
Jul. 29th, 2012 08:04 am (UTC)
:( I'm sorry, hon. I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering why you hadn't posted much lately. I hope the realtor comes up with some options for you...

By the by, in Abq, plenty of landlords allow dogs in apartments.
Jul. 29th, 2012 06:49 pm (UTC)
I love you honey. I understand about the house. Ours is a mess. We're behind on the payments and will be selling it at a loss too. And as for the marriage woes, I understand those too. And the panic attacks. Some pair we are, eh? Long live Carica.
Aug. 3rd, 2012 04:20 am (UTC)
:( *Hugs*
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )


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